Crimson Moons
by StarsOfYaoi
Summary: *ItaNaru, SasoDeida, KakuHida and eventually others later on* Drabbles with Akatsuki!Naruto. Now second drabble up: Art
1. Pets

**Edit:** 28/03/2011

**StarsOfYaoi:** you might be wondering, why did I start a crack drabble series? Well, because I felt that a serious story wouldn't fit with Akatsuki!Naruto. At least not like this. It's a different view of this organization –a group of silly, stupid people. Not really enemies or just bad guys.

Much like those random pics you might find on Japanese websites, which only portray the humorous side of Akatsuki? Well, consider this a written version of those pics.

So please enjoy and remember –no actual timeline, strong OOCism, yaoi… and no particular order with the drabbles either.

…–…–…–…–…–…–…

**Next update:** Whenever I feel like it.

**Rating**: usually, PG–13…

**Summary:** (ItaNaru) Collection of short drabbles with weird!Akatsuki, and Akatsuki!Naruto. Will have also SasoDeida, KakuHida and maybe ZetsuTobi (for fun).

**Warnings:** yaoi, boy x boy relationship, OOC warning as well.

**Disclaimer**: Not own Naruto. Masashi Kishimoto does.

"Talking"

'_Thinking'_

–**Flashbacks, memories, dreams–**

…–…–…–…–…–…–…

**Crimson Moons**

**Drabble 01: Pets**

"I want a pet," Naruto pouted one day.

Itachi blinked; then, as a second thought, he blinked again.

The Uchiha had been reading a book, glasses nested on his nose (courtesy of Naruto, who wanted to prevent him from going blind with time), dark orbs focused on what he was reading and for once enjoying his free time between missions, when Naruto had appeared in their shared room.

He had been pouting. Itachi had looked up at him, confused, but… well, that had been really unexpected.

… no, not really. Itachi knew it would happen. Again.

"What?" he asked, giving the blond his undivided attention.

Naruto shifted uncomfortable inside his black robe, his fingers tracing the pattern of the clouds on his outfit and focusing his attention anywhere but at his lover.

"I want a pet," he repeated, sulking, drawling out his tone a bit.

Itachi sighed, and Naruto finally looked up, blue eyes meeting black ones.

"What for? What happened to the hamster you took in last… week?" Itachi inquired, though he was afraid he already knew.

Naruto grimaced and sniffled, biting on his lower lip and looking by all means like a kicked puppy, and finally mumbled something under his breath.

Itachi didn't quite understand, so he sighed deeply again, placed the book down on the sofa and brushed one hand through his silky hair, inwardly satisfied at how soft they felt –buying that special lotion from the black market of the Hyuuga had been a genial move.

"Can you repeat what you just said, Naruto–kun?"

"I said… Zetsu ate it –_again_!" Naruto's ocean blue eyes filled with unshed tears, and his kicked puppy look became ten times more effective. "T–tell him to stop! It's the fifth animal of mine that he eats! Itachi–rin!" his lower lip started to tremble, bringing his puppy–look to perfection.

Itachi –seasoned shinobi, who didn't cringe when he plunged a kunai into someone's neck and _twisted_– couldn't win against that look. He never could.

Sweatdropping, he lifted one hand to massage his forehead as he tried to stall the situation enough to gather his bearings again. That was sad yet true –no animal was truly safe when Zetsu was around, especially not rodents… or birds.

Itachi could easily remember each one of them… all the various pets Naruto had brought home, intentioned in keeping them –saying something about how all boys have to own at least one pet in their life, and if it's not a dog then anything goes.

His first had been a fish. Itachi didn't know where he had found it, but coming back from a scouting mission on the borders of Kaze no Kuni, stepping into his bedroom he had been greeted by the sight of a huge fishbowl with a small, happy goldfish swimming in it.

And a proud looking Naruto smiling down at it, completely satisfied.

He had never asked where the fish had come from, but for the first week he had simply watched with amusement as Naruto entertained himself with the little thing dancing away in the bowl, feeding it and cooing at it.

Yes, maybe the fish –which had been called Ri, who knew why– hadn't been eaten by Zetsu (Kisame was the one with the severe soft spot for fishes, after all), but he had been rather close to getting it, and only Kisame losing his inner battle had beaten Zetsu to it.

One down.

Naruto had cried over his little fish friend for a week, causing Itachi to get itchy and nervous –Naruto had refused any kind of _intimate_ comfort– and of course an annoyed Itachi meant someone had to suffer.

In this case, obviously it had been Kisame who had to suffer through an entire week of Itachi's bad mood.

That had lasted until Deidara had appeared on the eight day with a small bird; not one of his clay-made birds either –a _real_ one.

It was brown, a dark shade of brown, and had a long, red tail. Naruto named it Pete. Itachi fought against the urge to ask him the reason for that name. He succeeded, much to his own chagrin.

The blond demon vessel had been happy again, and in turn, Itachi had been happy as well –not because for some animal he cared nothing about. No, it was because he had a full night of… celebration… with his blond.

After that, once again cheerful (_or as much cheerful as he could show to people without having to kill them afterwards_), Itachi made a vow with himself –to kill whoever made the blond sad like that.

He couldn't go through withdrawal for that long without serious repercussions on his sanity and on his health, after all.

Sadly enough, the small bird's life hadn't been long at all.

The moment the giant half-plant, half-shinobi came home from his mission, little Pete saw his freedom vanish, together with its life, into Zetsu's giant flytrap mouth.

Bye–bye, Pete.

After Pete, three more animals passed through Naruto's hands, and every single time the blond was careful to keep the little furry thing in his room, tucked away from any kind of danger.

Unfortunately for his little ferret, his rabbit and his hamster, they all quickly followed the nasty, unpleasant path of their predecessor –down Zetsu's digestive system.

No one really knew how the man did it, but the fact was, he had managed to get through all the complicated, deathly traps Naruto and Itachi (and Kisame, who still had to bear the brunt of Itachi's bad mood with every killed pet) had placed around the room, and then it was, once again, bye–bye pet.

Despite the unhappy death of his animals, Naruto's determination had never wavered as he took home another hamster, a poor little thing no bigger than an egg, of a white, snowy shade which he called Hina.

And now that one was gone as well after resisting a full glorious two days.

"Naruto–kun, can't you see the vicious circle you're trapped into?" Itachi sighed at the confused and utterly clueless face his little blond lover had, and fought the urge to slap his own face in frustration. "You take in some pet. Zetsu eats it. You get sad," _'I don't get to ravage you,' _"you bring another pet in here. Zetsu eats it again. See what I mean?"

Naruto sniffled again, tears pooling even more into his eyes, threatening to fall…

Itachi's eyes widened, his glasses sliding down his nose; he didn't want Naruto to cry –he couldn't stand the sight!

"B–but I really want a pet to keep with me! I always wanted one, ever since I was little!" the blond mumbled, glancing to the side, almost defeated. "Other kids had puppies, cats, anything they were given by their families, but I…"

He stopped –there was no point in saying he hadn't had a family that could give him a pet. He wasn't the only one with a bad past, of course… Itachi, too, didn't have a nice childhood.

With that thought, Naruto looked up again and wiped his tears away, forcing out a small smile. "It's ok, I understand it was just a stupid obsession I had… sorry, I won't bother you with it again…"

Itachi felt the familiar pang of guilt nest itself into his chest. He had taken Naruto away from Konoha to give him a different kind of happiness, and the last thing he wanted was for him to remember what he had left behind.

Standing up and walking to his young lover, Itachi kneeled in front of him, gently brushing one finger on Naruto's cheek and placing a soft kiss on his lips, action that caused Naruto to blush as he placed one hand on the older shinobi's chest.

"It's not a stupid obsession, Naruto–kun, I understand," he stated, feeling mushy and trying to ignore it. "But you don't want more of your pets to end up in Zetsu's stomach, right? That would be kind of cruel…"

Naruto's lips twitched downwards, but he had to nod at Itachi's words.

"Besides, you can't blame Zetsu. He has a giant flytrap planted around his head, and it's just… it's like Kyuubi, in a way. A mindless predator with the instincts of an animal," Itachi ruffled Naruto's hair, but stopped as he felt the blond teen tense in his arms.

Moving away from him, he noticed a weird glint into those blue eyes.

"I… I have to go," much to his surprise, Naruto was actually smiling broadly at him as he darted away, tripping over his coat twice as he left the room.

Itachi blinked, but he was too used with Naruto being… well, Naruto to care much about it.

It meant he wouldn't have to deal with a week of sexual deprivation. Nice.

He sat on the sofa and started reading again.

…–…–…–…

"Itachi–san," Kisame greeted, flopping down on the chair and staring at the Uchiha, who didn't even look up at him.

He had been trying to manage at least one full page of his book without someone interrupting him, but he was clearly failing. Hard.

"Hn?" he grunted. His glasses slid down a bit, and he pushed them back up.

Kisame brushed one hand through his hair. "Naruto–kun brought home some birds today," he stated after a long pause in which Itachi's mind started to wander again. "Zetsu is home, too".

Itachi frowned. He had thought Naruto had abandoned the idea of having a pet after their speech.

Maybe he'd have to go check what was going on. Sigh.

Standing up and placing down his book on the sofa, wondering if Karma was so against him resting, and made his way through the various corridors of the Akatsuki's hideout, searching for one elusive blond teen.

What he saw when he reached the so–called living room left him astonished.

There it was, his Naruto with a blue bird in one hand, staring expectantly at Zetsu, who had a strange expression on the parts of his face that were visible. Naruto was actually smiling, and the plant–shinobi was kneeling in front of him.

Then, shocking Itachi even more, Naruto lifted his hand and let the bird fall into Zetsu's open claws. The trap closed around the poor animal, and chewing sounds could be heard, followed by a satisfied growl from the plant–shinobi.

Itachi blinked. What…

Naruto gently patted Zetsu's head. "Good boy," he stated proudly.

Zetsu purred. Seriously, he _purred_.

Itachi probably made some sort of sound at that, because Naruto turned around and noticed him standing there, and seconds later the Uchiha had a blond teen into his arms, laughter filling the air around them.

"You know, Itachi–rin, you were right! Zetsu is the best pet I could ever get!"

The black haired shinobi stared down at him in shock. "He… is?" was the only thing he could stutter.

Naruto nodded fervently. "He won't escape, he's rather obedient and doesn't need training, and he's not even hard to feed, either," he added as an afterthought, tone and expression completely serious. "Besides, I will never have to fear for his health," with that, he clapped his hands together and laughed again.

Itachi had to fight the strong urge to bang his head on the wall.

And with that, another day at the Akatsuki's hideout went by.

…–…–…–…–…–…–…

**StarsOfYaoi:** please, comment on this demented thing :P


	2. Art

**Edit:** 29/03/2011

**StarsOfYaoi:** I cannot believe how many of you liked the first drabble. O.o I'm rather shocked –I truly thought it'd be far too stupid…

Anyway, I want to remind you people that this series is crack. There will be appearance of Otogakure somewhere in the future, who knows when (meaning, Orochimaru, Sasuke, etc). I can't resist the appeal of adding something to embarrass them, after all.

And it's supposed to be random drabbles, so don't expect always funny things. There will be angsty, romance, everything I feel like writing at the moment.

**Note for chapter:** funny thing you might know –'_danna_' ('master'), which is how Deidara calls Sasori, also means 'husband'.

…–…–…–…–…–…–…

**Next update:** Whenever I feel like it.

**Rating**: usually, PG–13…

**Summary:** (ItaNaru) Collection of short drabbles with weird!Akatsuki, and Akatsuki!Naruto. Will have also SasoDeida, KakuHida and maybe ZetsuTobi (for fun).

**Warnings:** yaoi, boy x boy relationship, OOC warning as well.

**Disclaimer**: Do not own Naruto. Masashi Kishimoto does.

"Talking"

'_Thinking'_

–**Flashbacks, memories, dreams–**

…–…–…–…–…–…–…

**Crimson Moons**

**Drabble 02: Art**

Deidara had a very funny way to see the world, Naruto couldn't deny that.

It was nothing… strange, per se. yes, maybe a bit weird, but Naruto had come to appreciate the straw haired shinobi after a few days of knowing him, so no harm done.

Now, after all that time, they had come to know each other rather well, and even though Naruto still thought Deidara was weird (and Deidara not–so–secretly believed the same about the blond teen), the two had become quite good friends.

Deidara loved clay.

He loved to shape it in form of spiders and other small animals, especially birds; Naruto thought it to be cute, but others, like Kisame, could only shudder when they found the three–mouthed shinobi playing around with his little creatures without a care in the world.

Naruto had once asked Shark–face about it, but the moment the man had opened his mouth to answer him, Itachi had swooped down, grabbing Naruto by his waist and stomping away. He had then proceeded to forbid the blond from asking again, commenting on an unrequited obsession Deidara had that shouldn't be addressed publicly or privately.

Ever.

Naruto didn't get it –what was wrong with little cute birds?– but had decided not to ask.

Still, that didn't mean he couldn't ask the bomber man about other things.

More than ever when he was bored out of his mind, Itachi was not around to take his mind away from things, and he couldn't play with Kisame.

"Deidei?" Naruto was currently sprawled on the couch, staring intently at the other shinobi as he carefully inserted a bomb mechanism into one of his clay creations.

The straw haired man flashed Naruto a small smile –that looked more like a weird tilted smirk, a sight that had Naruto cringing every time the was on the receiving end during the first weeks he had joined Akatsuki– and his visible eye seemed to brighten up all at once.

Naruto smiled back with equal intensity.

"What, Naru–kun?"

"Why do you and Sasori always bitch about what art is?"

A fond look made its way onto Deidara's face.

"Because we have very different ideas on what art is, un!" he replied, winking at the blond teen.

Naruto giggled.

"So, what is art for you?" he asked then, watching with mirth as the small deathly weapon flapped its wings onto Deidara's hand.

For a glorious moment, Naruto's brain thought about all the things he could do with one of these bombs –but then he hastily stopped himself. He remembered too well Itachi's reaction to his last prank –it hadn't been nice.

At all.

"Art is what's sudden and evanescent, of course," Deidara replied, pleased at Naruto's curiosity and tapping the head of his clay bird with a finger. It almost looked like he cared for the thing. "Something that is bound to disappear, like the fleeting moment of an explosion…"

Naruto watched with fascination as Deidara threw the bird into the air, delighted when after a second of wildly flapping around, it exploded soundly, sending pieces of hardened clay everywhere in the room.

Deidara puffed out his chest.

"But Sasori says art is what is eternal," Naruto continued, watching amusedly as part of the room's walls crumbled at the explosion. "I think I understand why you fight…"

With that he left, acutely aware that Leader wouldn't be happy; and he was right, because the man passed at his side moments later, and his expression was nothing sort of thundering.

Which was much to say since his face was covered with darkness anyway.

It was nothing strange, though. It was the tenth time Deidara destroyed a part of their hideout while experimenting with bombs –if not for the funds their organization received thanks to Sasori's puppet shows, Itachi's fans scattered around the world (Akatsuki provided a good amount of photos, pictures, posters, videos objects belonging to the Uchiha, who was oblivious to that) and some slightly illegal stuff (growing… plants… on Zetsu's head, albeit useful, wasn't exactly legal, nor was selling dead people's bodies to the black market), they'd be broke by now.

Naruto wondered why no one ever tried to sell Deidara's bombs to villages celebrating festivities. Shrugging it off, he decided they probably had some good explanation for that.

…–…–…–…–…–…–…

Again, Naruto found himself having fun.

"Art is a bang!"

"No, art is eternal!"

"Eternal is boring~! Something that never changes gets old after a while!"

"No, it becomes proof of its existence, as something that remains unchanging through time and time again!"

"But then those who see it later can't understand its importance –something that disappears is more important, because its memory is the only glory and proof that it existed, and so grows the myth!"

On the right was Deidara, with a big smirk that showed just how much he was having fun.

Naruto wondered if these two ended up like this with every mission they had together.

"But memory is fleeting, whilst what remains can be observed and admired, to catch all the small details the author wanted it to express!"

On the left was Sasori, twitching, fingers aching to lift and throttle the other shinobi.

Naruto wondered why the guy never seemed to really loosen up unless he was fighting with Deidara.

In a way, it was like a tennis game –straight, direct to the point, from one side to the other…

"What disappears can't give a wrong impression!"

"What remains can't be easily forgotten!"

"Art has to go!"

"Art has to stay!"

Now, despite how entertaining these two could be, Naruto wasn't one to keep attention on something for too long; he wasn't one for long speeches, and he wasn't able to think too much about stuff –proof of that was how he entered a battle without thinking, rushing through without a plan– but even so, he wasn't stupid either.

He had an inkling that both sides had a fairly accurate percentage of being right, which meant they had an equal percentage of being wrong, too.

Naruto frowned, his face scrunching up into his usual fox-like thoughtful expression.

They always ended up fighting and yelling at each other like this, so why couldn't they just accept each other's idea and just let go? Or if not that, they could accept the fact that they would never be able to move the other into agreeing with them.

Why always fight?

A certain fox inside his body started to cough obnoxiously at that, choking onto his laughter, but Naruto ignored him, even when Kyuubi made a scathingly comment about how he'd have a field day next time the Oto–nin were invited over for tea.

Kyuubi would definitely have fun teasing Naruto about his and Sasuke's… 'nice, pacific speeches' which included a lot of Rasengan and Chidori blasts, snakes, ropes, Kage Bunshin and crumbling walls.

Yes, nice and pacific alright.

"Itachi–rin," he whined as his lover appeared at his side, rolling his eyes at the familiar sight of the Sand shinobi and the bomber verbally fighting once again. "If they always get this angry, why fight in the first place?"

Kisame, who had been also watching the fight with a weird glint in his eyes, turned around and focused his attention from polishing his sword's handle to Naruto, wanting to hear Itachi's answer to that.

Itachi had to smirk at the lovely face his cute Naruto had. "They enjoy the arguing, even if it doesn't look like it –they are not willing to admit that they respect each other's point of view either," he added, his smirk turning wicked.

Naruto blinked in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"Art is a bang, Sasori–danna!" Deidara yelled, lips stretched into an excited smirk.

"Art is eternal, you dunce!" Sasori grimaced, but there was no hatred in his tone. Nor anger.

"Hmmm, you can call it… foreplay, if you want," Kisame grunted, but he was smirking at the blond as he said that.

Naruto accepted that at face's value and thought about it for a bit more, then he schooled his expression into one of bathed curiosity.

"Itachi–rin, what is art for _you_?"

Itachi's eyes instantly switched to the Sharingan, spinning almost dangerously; Naruto had barely the time to feel his aura flaring up, then he was suddenly lifted up and held bridal style in Itachi's strong, welcoming arms.

Blushing and spluttering in embarrassment at the undignified position, catching the mischievous smirk on Kisame's face, mirrored on Itachi's one, Naruto tried to push Itachi away –and failed.

"Art," Itachi concluded, walking towards their chambers with Naruto tucked possessively in his arms, "_is sex_".

And Sasori, who was now busy tying up a fuming (but not exactly unwilling) Deidara with his puppets' strings, ready to take their battle to more private grounds, secretly agreed.

…–…–…–…–…–…–…

**StarsOfYaoi:** try commenting on this one, too! :)


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